i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
