I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
