my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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