guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
