p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
