So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
