I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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