after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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