So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
