I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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