My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
