no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
