I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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