between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think my moral compass just broke
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