I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
