Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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