You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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