i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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