I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
