we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's blow job season.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
