frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
