You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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