We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
