i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
