I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
