Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
