i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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