i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
