dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
