We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
