At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
