I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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