Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
