you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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