If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
