I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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