I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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