Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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