I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
