Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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