I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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