I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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