Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
