i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
