just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
