I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize