It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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