does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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