He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
