Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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