It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
im on a boat
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