It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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