You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This baby is an asshole
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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