I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize