The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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