we made out on top of his cat.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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