I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
