did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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