When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
