a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
