What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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