upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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