I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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