Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
