It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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