Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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